I realized years ago that just because a person is cruel or harsh to me doesn't mean that they do not have wisdom to offer. Several of the most awful people in my life have told me things that to this day, I remember and take to heart.
The best thing I ever learned was a question posed by a narcissist friend who repeatedly helped me make many poor life choices, much to her warped delight.
She said that more people should ask, “You taught you that?” In other words, upon stating an opinion, ask yourself where that opinion came from. It emerged from somewhere, someone. I suppose that is the reasoning behind traditions like Navajo introductions that include the ancestry from the mother’s and the father’s sides of the family. That familial lineage habit can also illuminate the generations of gurus that taught you the form of martial arts you practice, or the school of psychology that has shaped your approach to problem solving.
Some of the most horrific experiences of my life have offered the most exquisite truths, in hindsight. Like the time, my head was cracked on a rock by my 6’5” husband, in the woods, isolated, kicked in the ribs. He had a temper. That was a bad time.
That same man once told me, “Jewell, you are the most creative person I have ever known.” Gee, thanks, asshole. Except those words did mean something, because when I can’t get my creative juices flowing, I remember the crazy brute that beat me up was also a creative person, whose kind words inspired me when I was convinced of my worthlessness.
Here’s another doozy: A certain husband of mine who got me into astrology, after years of raging at me for my dreamy astro perspective, said, “Jewell, you are no astrologer!” At first I was insulted, but upon further inspection, I came to realize that I am indeed no Astrologer, but rather an esoteric philosopher. I dabble in Astrology, Kabbalah, Tarot and Enneagram. Any other spiritual, woo woo will do because I am in search of a specific goal.
I am digging through the midden heaps of many schools of thought to find my personal pot of gold. Spelunking the depths of this soul. Mining this mind. Piecing together a puzzle on a grand scale. My task; to fit my butt into the tiny microcosmic space that fits into the larger Mandelbrot.
I need to hear and see the abhorrent and then back away, analyze and then embrace the shadow, because otherwise, how do I know where I fit? Take into account the negative dark, then understand the bright light. If all is One, as they like to say, then dark has its place.
"What is it that I am rejecting and why that particular thought or act? What does that monster look like? It’s shape matters if I am to fit it into the scheme, the story, the pattern." Only then can I truly understand the meaning of this message.
“If you spot it, you got it.” Dr. Christianne Northrup said that 40 years ago and I think about that aphorism every day. It is the modern version of “turn the other cheek.” We attend to the the issues that are pertinent in life and often they live on the dark side, the inside, the unworded place within.
I answer with a quiet confession, "Oh, I do that, have done that, have thought that, wanted to do that, wish I didn't do that so often, want to stop doing that, can't help but do that...." It is often the things within myself that I fight against that I fight against in others.
It’s much easier to point and identify than to accept and digest troublesome behaviors and thoughts, but digestion is necessary for good health.
Carolyn Myss once said that our guardian angels will push us off a cliff to get our attention! Was an angel responsible for the beating I got when my victim persona most needed repair? Was an angel raging at me for a year to awaken my dulled sense of responsibility? Do our better angels get inside our friends and enemies to deliver important data to us through the events of bad luck, shitty outcomes and unwelcome incidents?
If so, then take note when evil approaches. Do not reject it. Inspect it. Like a scientist. go to work. Use your spiritual stethoscope and listen to your cosmic heart beat. There’s a reason they tell us that “confession is good for the soul.” Confession is an inside job best served with intent, not self abuse.
My advice to me: Have a look. Consider the source. Weigh the options. Step away from the stuff that doesn't fit my goal. Bless the mess, and, as our friend, Jesuah said, "Turn the other cheek."
Turn the other cheek doesn't mean to surrender, accept or succumb to the unwanted. It means that focus matters. Focus on the highest goal, the best outcome and leave the naysayers alone. Understand, examine within, incorporate and then move away from distraction. Yin accepts and blesses. Yang analyzes and critiques.
Left is right. Right is left. One hand clapping, and all that Jazz. Conundrums. See?
“There but for the grace of The Two Gods, Yin and Yang, go I.”
The Heart and the Soul are partners. Do them both a favor and befriend fears. Love weakness. Identify strengths. Walk between. Astrology is good for that.
Move toward the Soul's beckoning. Toward the small voice. She speaks big truth. She leads to purpose and meaning. Act out the intentions discovered within.
His passion is warm and evident. Action. Yang.
Her nudge is subtle. Place. Yin.
Like the mother cat, without words. She teaches with touch, with attention, with Care. Care is a verb. A doing. Like the tide that moves the sands of time.
Oops! Yet again, another rant ensued.